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单身妈妈自述:成为单身妈妈,让我破除偏见

导读:一直以来,单身母亲都备受社会的歧视和偏见。但是,随着社会发展,人们观念的进步,大家都该冷静的看待这个自强的群体了。Single mothers have often been stigmatized and denounced. Cherry Healey explains why shes proud to be

导读:一直以来,单身母亲都备受社会的歧视和偏见。但是,随着社会发展,人们观念的进步,大家都该冷静的看待这个自强的群体了。

单身妈妈自述:成为单身妈妈,让我破除偏见

Single mothers have often been stigmatized and denounced. Cherry Healey explains why she’s proud to be one.

单身妈妈总是被污蔑和谴责。(单身妈妈)希利揭示了自己为什么以单身妈妈为自豪。

I’m a single mum. I’m glad I live in an age and a place where it’s OK to admit that.

我是一个单身母亲。我很高兴,我生活在一个接纳单身母亲的时代和地方。

We have moved on so much, so fast. Once, Margaret Thatcher deemed a single parent family so bad for a child that she felt it was better for the mother and child to be removed and placed within a religious group.

我们进步了很多,很快。曾经,玛格丽特·撒切尔认为单身父母家庭对孩子来说很糟糕,她认为母亲和孩子被安置在宗教团体中会更好。

When I first heard that, I felt such unbelievable pain and heartbreak for all those young mothers that were pressured into following this advice.

当我第一次听到这个时,我为被迫遵循这一建议的年轻母亲感到如此不可思议的痛苦和心碎。

And it would have had many ripples of pain the family as a whole.

整个家庭会涌动着很多痛苦的情绪。

The judgement of others is a powerful thing and people will do unfathomable things to avoid bringing shame onto themselves and their families.

别人的判断是一种很有力的事,人们将做出很多不可预测的事情去避免为自己和家人带来耻辱。

And this is the judgement that I want to see gone. Completely.

这也是我想让其消失的判断。完全消失。

Yes we have progressed - but even today there is such an insipid, damaging view of single parents that we need to keep revisiting it until single parents feel free of useless, ignorant judgement - and instead receive respect as parents and support if they, and therefore their child, needs it.

是的,我们已经取得了进步——但是即便是今天,(人们对)单身父母仍然抱有一种需要纠正的无聊的、毁坏性的观点,直到单身父母不再觉得无用,不再受到无知的判断,获得作为父母需要的尊重和孩子需要的支持。

Sadly, even in 2017 I felt the cold wind of judgement when I became a single parent. It’s hard to know whether the judgement I felt comes from society or whether it comes from myself. I think it is a bit of both.

难过地是,即便是在2017年,我都能感到成为单身父母后冷酷的指指点点。很难说清,我感受到的指点是否来自社会或者我自身。我觉得两方面都有。

I hate to admit this, but I had a negative view of single mums before I became one. As I grew up I heard, read and watched society’s depiction of The Single Mum, and it certainly wasn’t positive.

我讨厌承认这一点,但是在成为单身母亲之前,我对此抱有消极的想法。因为在成长过程中,我听到、读到和看到的社会对单身母亲的描述,从不积极。

Comedy sketches depicting single mums smoking cigarettes and drinking cider in the park while neglecting their babies, endless newspaper stories about single mothers on benefits draining the system, statements from politicians about the connection between "Broken Britain" and one-parent families - all fed my prejudice gremlin until one day, I too was a dreaded single mum. And I began to question everything I’d ever consumed about this subject.

喜剧小品描绘单身母亲在公园抽烟、喝苹果酒,忽视了自己的孩子。无穷无尽的新闻故事是关于单身母亲过分仰仗福利系统的,政客关于“英国破败”和单身家庭联系的言论,这些都滋长了我的偏见魔鬼,直到有一天,我也成为了一个可怕的单亲母亲。我开始质疑我关于这个主题的一切发挥。

I was happy to discover that I was the same person. I was a good parent as a married woman and I was a good parent as single mother.

我开心的发现,我是同一个人。作为已婚妇女,是个好家长,作为单身母亲,我也是个好家长。

Money was tighter but my ability to maintain order at home, get homework done on time and love my children had not changed.

钱越来越紧张,但是我保持家庭秩序、及时做完家务以及爱孩子的能力没有改变。

Separating and re-establishing my life was difficult but I felt so hugely grateful that at least I was able to pay the bills thanks to my job - and it made me realise that there is so much stigma attached to being a single mother. At exactly the time when the single parent needs support and help, they are stigmatised and judged.

分离和重建我的生活是困难的,但我非常感激至少我能够靠我的工作支付账单——这让我意识到,单身母亲和这么多污名挂钩。在单亲家庭需要支持和帮助的时候,他们受到侮辱和评判。

It also made me realise that for many of us there is a strong, not very flattering stereotype of The Single Mum. And so I wanted to break free from that and give a voice to some single parents that haven’t been heard before.

它也让我意识到,对于我们中许多人来说,对单身母亲有一个固化的,不是很讨人喜欢的“单身妈妈”的刻板印象。所以我想摆脱这一点,给一些以前没从未被人听说过的单身父母发声。

And I’m glad to say that any prejudice, both conscious and subconscious, was gradually eroded.

我很开心地想说,任何有意识或者无意识的偏见都在渐渐稀释。

I spoke to Kirsty, a single mother with a terminal illness, who smashes the traditionalist’s argument that it’s better to stay in an unhealthy marriage, regardless of the circumstances. Even though she was suffering and weak from cancer, she did not regret leaving her relationship and was happy that her daughter’s environment was at least peaceful.

我和一名患有绝症的单身母亲柯丝蒂交谈,她打破了传统的,无论在任何情况下都应该停留在不健康婚姻中的论点。尽管她饱受癌症的折磨,但她不后悔离开自己的婚姻关系,她很开心自己女儿的环境至少是和平的。

She acknowledges that it was hard caring for her daughter alone: "I definitely still have guilt over it. There are times at bedtime when she’ll cry for her daddy."

她明白,独自照顾女儿很难:“我对此肯定有负罪感。有时候,她在床上因为爸爸哭泣。”

But she still feels it was the right decision. She is now able to co-parent with her partner in a more harmonious way. Her message that together is not always best for the child, even in such a challenging situation, was powerful.

但她仍然觉得这是一个正确的决定。如果,她能够以更和谐的方式与她的伴侣共同对女儿尽抚养义务。她传递出的信息——在一起并不总是对孩子最好非常有利,即便是在这种充满挑战的情境下。

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